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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26246224">All our Yesterdays</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloverTheGrand/pseuds/CloverTheGrand'>CloverTheGrand</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Friendship can be just as important as romance, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:14:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,549</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26246224</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloverTheGrand/pseuds/CloverTheGrand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was ironic. They had stopped Armageddon together, and that should give them all the time in the world. But the truth was Aziraphale did not return Crowley's feelings. As the years passed Aziraphale could not help but withdraw himself, and Crowley followed suit. They did not meet up much anymore because of this new habit. But Aziraphale missed Crowley. Dearly. Eventually, on one late afternoon, solitude became too much for Aziraphale and so he had to visit Crowley in his Mayfair apartment.</p><p>He did expect Crowley alone, perhaps drinking some wine or scolding his plants or watching the telly.</p><p>He did not expect to walk in on Crowley riding the Archangel Gabriel on the floor.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens) (Unrequited), Crowley/Gabriel (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Doubt Thou the Stars are Fire [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All our Yesterdays</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My attempts to reserve the fic to registered users only proved to be futile when one user bookmarked this fic to a cringe compilation, and so I deleted the original to take it off the collection.</p><p>User, if you see this... hello again ^^ what you did was quite rude. True, the premise of this fic may seem odd to you, but welcome to fandom, where tastes in fiction are subjective and you moderate what you read ^^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It all started a year ago when they spent one evening drunk.</p><p>Course, that evening could've ended normally. It just so happened that it was the evening when Crowley admitted that he loved Aziraphale. Crowley did not seem to remember the confession the next day, thankfully.</p><p>It was a pity that Aziraphale himself barely had a few sips of wine. And a bigger pity that Aziraphale did not return Crowley's own feelings.</p><p>It was an attractive idea. Being able to overcome your own, and society's, prejudices in order to love your should-be adversary, like in so many courtly romances. Aziraphale would've agreed once. What was worse was that it was only ever a fleeting infatuation that snuffed out like a candle in the wind. He did catch up on signs that Crowley wanted a romantic relationship with him, and it was a double-edged sword. Perhaps those signs were the kindling for Aziraphale’s passing fancies. At the same time, the threat of destroying something they already had was inevitable.</p><p>But they've always loved each other in the way someone would love a friend. Of course, it did not help that Crowley was Aziraphale’s only long-term friend, either. Aziraphale did not know many other angels, less so than demons. </p><p>Aziraphale had hence been practising avoidance. He did not always want it, it just happened because of the uncomfortable elephant in the room they had to address. He was aware that Crowley picked up something wrong, but Crowley never brought it up.</p><p>And then they saw each other less than less.</p><p>It was ironic. They had stopped Armageddon together, that should give them all the time in the world. But as the years Aziraphale could not help but withdraw himself, and Crowley followed suit. They did not meet up as much anymore because of this new habit. But Aziraphale missed Crowley. Dearly. Eventually, on one late afternoon, solitude became too much for Aziraphale and so he had to visit Crowley in his Mayfair apartment.</p><p>He did expect Crowley alone, perhaps drinking some wine or scolding his plants or watching the telly.</p><p>He did not expect to walk in on Crowley riding the Archangel Gabriel on the floor.</p><p>Aziraphale trusted the Almighty. Yet at this moment, Aziraphale had never thought he would hear the laugh of Her mocking him so. </p><p>Seeing his best friend bare just made all this such a bigger insult. How Crowley’s back arched like a taut bow. How his skin glowed in the dying sun. He was gorgeous. Aziraphale did not dare drift his eyes down to Crowley’s bare pelvis, which he knew was linked to Gabriel's. Maybe he did not need to. It was Crowley’s expression which harboured the greatest insult.</p><p>Crowley’s goldenrod eyes were visible as he gazed down into Gabriel’s eyes. Half-hooded, so full of love, so full of trust, his pupils blown wide. Crowley rarely ever did show his eyes to anyone else. And how long did Crowley know Gabriel! </p><p>Crowley chuckled, then tucked a strand of hair behind his ear before bending down to give Gabriel a peck on the lips. </p><p>“You’re so pretty, it’s unfair, Archangel,” he whispered. (Not that different from 'angel', is it?)</p><p>Aziraphale knew that he should leave. It was a wise choice-- too bad he thought of it too late.</p><p>Crowley saw him, and his pupils shrivelled into a black needle.</p><p>Aziraphale did not want to remember what happened after that. But that was not the topic for today. He had invited Crowley over for a drink. Currently, Crowley sprawled across Aziraphale’s couch as he sipped his wine in silence. Aziraphale was too antsy to sit, and stood in front of him, waiting for Crowley to say what he needed to say. Crowley’s glasses, normally tossed to the side by now, remained glued to his face.</p><p>Crowley slammed his wine glass down. "Look. I understand. You don't want us to see each other anymore." He rubbed his temple, his face flushed red from the alcohol. "I know you think I'm too clingy, and I know I don’t owe you anything.”</p><p>“Crowley, I… I think you are perfect just the way you are. It’s just…” Aziraphale sighed, trying to search for an answer.</p><p>A potent silence rang between them. “You know,” Crowley realised. “You know that I liked you, and…” he gulped. “And you only want us to be friends.”</p><p>Oh, but he did want what Crowley wished. Once, as a curious fantasy.</p><p>A sourness was dwelling inside of Aziraphale’s gut. “Friendship or no friendship… do all our yesterdays mean that little to you? So little so that you... replaced me with Gabriel?”</p><p>Crowley was pale. He gulped. Even if Crowley would never explicitly state it, Aziraphale saw that he still loved the other angel enough to dart his hooded eyes left and right, trying to find the right answers to protect him.</p><p>With quivering hands, he took off his sunglasses, revealing his serpentine eyes. Crowley was glancing away, and there was such fear in his eyes.</p><p>"Let's…" Crowley chewed his bottom lip, then glanced at Aziraphale, a cautious sting in his gaze. "Leave Gabriel out of this right now."</p><p>"How come? You clearly roped him into a relationship because-"</p><p>"<em>Don't</em>." Crowley closed his eyes and drew a deep breath in. "You know what?" He hissed. "Yes. We <em>did</em> get involved with each other. I didn’t know why he agreed. And… perhaps we've moved past that now. Capiche?"</p><p>Aziraphale couldn't help but shrink away at Crowley's cold tone. </p><p>"I apologise. I don't quite understand what you see in him."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"Good? What do you mean good?:</p><p>"Maybe some things are better left alone."</p><p>"Don't you trust me, Crowley?"</p><p>"Then why did you leave me alone like that!"</p><p>A dangerous silence loomed the backroom. Years had passed since Armageddon, and change was inevitable. Why? There was no easy answer to this, and perhaps there never will be. A bitter remark threatened to surface from Crowley’s hesitance. Aziraphale swallowed it down, shocked at how strong it was. It was unlike himself. Then again, Aziraphale and Crowley had not quite been themselves at all recently.</p><p>Aziraphale’s head was starting to spin so he had to sit down on the table. No. He needed to tell Crowley the truth.</p><p>"I thought I loved you too,” he whispered.</p><p>And Crowley tensed and shivered.</p><p>Crowley clasped his hands together, rubbing his thumbs over each other, grounding himself. Then he raised his head up. "Why?" He pleaded. "Why have you never told me that?"</p><p>Believe him, Aziraphale did not know either. Why did the spark snuff out? The fear of having to become so exposed? The wish to maintain the friendship they always had? The caution that Aziraphale was chasing a novelty romance? The danger of Heaven and Hell’s involvement that had always loomed over the two of them?</p><p>"Because… because… because I don't anymore."</p><p>A light extinguished within Crowley’s eyes. Crowley stood up and then walked away.</p><p>“Crowley? Where are you going?”</p><p>“Away,” he spat. “I’m going away because you don’t want to be near me.”</p><p>"Wait. Wait!" Oh, Aziraphale, you old fool, he scolded himself. If only Aziraphale had said yes, I love you too, they wouldnt’ve been in this unrequited position, and Crowley needn’t to undergo so much. Aziraphale could even learn how to love Crowley and take care of Crowley, but instead, he had hurt him, neglected him!</p><p>Crowley wove through the bookshelf maze of Aziraphale's bookshop. In the dark, Aziraphale struggled to keep up. </p><p>“Wait. Please. I love you, Crowley. Only as a friend, I'm sorry, but I’ve always loved you regardless.” Aziraphale was starting to cry. “And I miss you. I want us to dine at the Ritz again."</p><p>Crowley stopped. And so Aziraphale continued. </p><p>"I want us to feed the ducks at St. James Park again. I want for us to get hammered every other evening as we discuss the most trivial things. I want us to go to theatres and watch bad productions and joke all we want while no one hears us. I don't care if you always drive too fast in the Bentley. I don't care if you take down London's phone lines on a monthly basis. I don’t care that you sink ducks with bread crusts too big for them to eat. Oh, please, Crowley. Please know that even if I don't desire you as a lover, I still love you and care for you as my best friend."</p><p>Slowly, carefully, Crowley turned around. A wet glaze was forming on his eyes. “I miss my best friend, too,” Crowley choked out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I tried to coax you into something you don’t want.”</p><p>“Oh, dear boy, I should be the one apologising! I’m sorry I never told you explicitly so that you had to guess. I was an idiot for concealing from you.”</p><p>"I…" he pulled up a weak smile. "I suppose we're both to blame, eh, angel?”</p><p>Aziraphale dived and wrapped Crowley into his embrace. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he repeated in a steady mantra. "You're my best friend. I love you."</p><p>"I'm sorry, too. I know." Crowley sniffed. "I've always loved you, Aziraphale. I always have, and I always will."</p><p>And they held each other, soothed each other, cried together until dawn.</p>
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